His House
by poor-person27
Summary: Sam's thinking over what she's lost. I must warn you it's quite angsty.


**His House**

**Author**: PoorPerson27

**Rating**: Not sure but PG-13 to be safe

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Stargate, if I did Sam and Jack woulda got together a long time agobut hey I'm making no money out of this so…

**Spoilers**: None that spring to mind, there's ambiguous references to 'The Broca Divide' and 'Solitudes' in season 1.

**Season**: Set around season 3

**Summary**: Sam reflects on what she's lost.

**Author's notes**: Ok, hello people, I've been away for a while doing other stuff (such as passing my A-levels) but now I'm uni I've got tonnes of time to do more writing. This has got a song in it by Evanescence but can't remember the name. Well hope you enjoy!

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It had been 2 months since he had left her; 2 months 6 days and 54 minutes to be exact but who was counting. Sam paced aimlessly around his house; their house, unable to feel comfortable, everywhere she went reminded her of him. His books on the book case all battered and placed on in no particular order a stark comparison to her pristinely alphabeticalised shelves. The hand made coffee table that had taken him the best part of 2 years to make only to find that it wouldn't fit through the door.

_I'm so tired of being here  
__Suppressed by all of my childish fears  
__And if you have to leave  
__I wish that you would just leave  
__Because your presence still lingers here  
__And it won't leave me alone_

This house had originally been his; Sam would forever think of it as his house not hers. Before he had left it was their house and had been so for a number of years but without him by her side everything reminded her of him. So many times during the past 2 months 6 days and 54 minutes she could have sworn that she'd heard the TV on in the den playing either his favourite show or a sports game only to be disappointed by a dark empty room. Despite all of the memories that lingered in his house she knew that she could never leave it as it would be like losing him all over again.

_These wounds don't seem to heal  
__This pain is just too real  
__There's just too much that time cannot erase_

People had told her that given time all the pain she was feeling would dissipate; Sam just nodded along and agreed she knew this wasn't true but it made her life do much easier just to agree. The pain she was feeling now would never fully heal, with him gone her soul was torn in two; half of her would forever be missing.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
__When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
__And I've held your hand through all of these years  
__But you still have all of me_

They had been through so much together, so much more than many other couples yet they had come through all of it even stronger. Things had been hard to begin with, when he initially heard the news she had to tell him he'd become very angry and withdrew from her and everyone else. Of course at that time no one else quite knew why he was being so moody; it taken a near death experience for him to work through his issues with her and finally move on. The incident as it had been since named had thrust them together but the love that had grown from the incident had glued them together. She had held him night after night as nightmares wracked his body, her hands offering comfort.

_You used to captivate me  
__By your resonating light  
__But now I' bound by the life you left behind  
__Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
__Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

He had been the salvation that she didn't even realise she needed; the one person who could drag her away from her work with a single look. The small life growing within her was testimony to their love; with only a few weeks until her due date Sam missed him more and more. He had been so excited when she had told him, the complete polar opposite to his reaction when she broke the same news just over 3 years previously. They had been different people then, they did not know each other as they did before he left, they had only known each other for a few months and on the night of conception neither had exactly been themselves.

Little Callum Alexander had never given his parents an easy time even before his birth his parents had been put through the emotional mill due to their little boy. First was the shock of being faced with being parents, Sam knew this had been especially hard for him as he still wasn't over the loss of his other family. They nearly lost him after Antarctica, it took this scare for each to realise how much the baby was wanted. Then there was the ensuing investigation as to how he was conceived and whether any charges would be filed against either one of them; the extenuating circumstances of an alien virus affecting both their judgment was their saviour.

_These wounds don't seem to heal  
__This pain is just too real  
__There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Whenever she looked at her little boy or felt the baby kick Sam's heart broke, little Callum was the spitting image of his father. He had already lost one child and now his other children would miss out on a father. He was always such a good father; it broke Sam's heart to see her son so lost without his daddy. They would never lose that pain, not Sam or their children; they would always have to contend with the fact that they didn't know their father and never would.

He hadn't wanted to leave her but promised it would only be for a few days; she had smiled and told him it would be fine, the familiar pang of wanting to join him on the latest adventure overcome by the need to protect their young. He had said goodbye to his young son and promised to phone when he returned. Sam still waited by the phone for the call that in her heart she knew would never come.

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
__When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
__And I've held your hand through all of these years  
__But you still have all of me_

Their children were all that she was living for at the moment, little Callum was so confused, one day he had a loving stable family and the next he was told that his daddy wouldn't be coming back and his mommy once happy and content was now always sad. Where previously it had been him that she had sat up with to scare the nightmares away it was now their son that woke up night after night screaming for his daddy.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
__And though you're still with me  
__I've been alone all along_

Everyone else had begun to move on but Sam knew she never would. He was out there somewhere, she couldn't admit to herself that he was gone; she'd never believe that he had left her. He had promised to Sam in front of all of their friends just over 2 years ago that he would never leave her; she couldn't believe he would ever break his promise to her, she would know if he'd really gone. She hoped that one day soon, she would be able to say his name again; so she could tell her children all the amazing things their father had seen and done.

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So what do you think? It's a bit depressing and not what I expected to write at all. I'm not really sure where to take this if I did continue it but if there's enough response I'll give it a go.


End file.
